as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
