I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
