great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
