just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
