i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
