I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I smell stomach acid.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
