I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
