I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize