We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
