Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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