your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
