You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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