I think I am morally bankrupt
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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