youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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