I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
