There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
