Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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