I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
