isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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