Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
