I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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