I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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