As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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