i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
