dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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