i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize