Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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