He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
