Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
