At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
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Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
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Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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