i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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