some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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