pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
