i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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