I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
