I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
