I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
