I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
