i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Bring me that man meat
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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