watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
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So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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