this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize