2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
