It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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