Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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