Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
