The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
