if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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