so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
