Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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