2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
