just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
