Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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