Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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