I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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