Your dad touched me again.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
