Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
