dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
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I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
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And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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