Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
