You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
