Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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