You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
