i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
