hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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