So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
