so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
