Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I would ride that face into the sunset
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
