The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize