spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize