im drinking this country out of the recession.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
